Honesty in Addiction Recovery

Growing honestly through the 12 Steps

For many of us who are recovering from an addiction, honesty is the beginning of the process.

Finally, we were able to ask for help. It was honesty with ourselves and others that broke through our denial and allowed us to admit we were powerless over alcohol, other drugs, food, or sex and that our lives had become unmanageable. Many of us struggled with that First Step (of the 12-step programme of recovery), sometimes for years.

We may have had concerns about a statement in Chapter Five of the AA Big Book that states that those who do not recover “cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple programme,” typically people who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves.

Such doubts about our capacity to be rigorously honest may be well into recovery. We discover that honesty is an ongoing process, and our tendencies to be dishonest, even in small things, can be a source of discouragement and disappointment.

However, when we remember that honesty was the key to the beginning of our recovery, we can understand how important honesty is for our growth in all that recovery and life have to offer.

Blocks to honesty

Why do we find it challenging to be honest, even when we want to be? One reason is that dishonesty became a way of life when we were trapped in our addiction. Dishonesty permeated our behaviour, minds, and emotions. Frequently, we lived in a world of illusions that we could scarcely discern from the world of reality. We found ourselves telling lies, even when the truth was more convenient.

We developed a lifestyle around our addiction and compulsions that demanded we be dishonest. We would be concerned about our whereabouts, about the money we were spending on drugs, food, or gambling, and about how vital drinking was to us. We became emotionally dishonest to the point that we did not know what our real feelings were because our emotions were under the sway of our addictions and compulsions.

Dishonesty had become such a way of life that it will take time and effort to change. We are sometimes tempted in recovery to think we have gotten “totally honest.” The Twelve Step Stepprogram suggests that absolute honesty is impossible. Instead, we can grow in honesty. To do this, we need to make the effort ourselves, but we also need to be with people who are becoming honest, too. As we experience their honesty, whether with themselves concerning their Higher Power or with us, we discover that our capacity for honesty grows and develops.

Another significant block to honesty is fear. There is a risk involved in honesty, and we frequently fear the consequences and pain it may cause. It is helpful to be honest about our self-centred fear and share that with others, such as our therapist. This may help us see that the consequences of our dishonesty in a given situation are more painful and dangerous than being honest.

Honesty and the Steps

There are times when we think, “I have worked the Steps. I have done a Fourth Step once and don’t need to do it again.” That may be true for many of us. However, some find it helpful to do these steps again after some recovery. Others make it a regular practice to a Tenth Step, not only daily, but on a semiannual or annual basis. The inventory Steps can help us grow in honesty. These Steps, particularly later in recovery, can reveal a pattern of denying our good qualities, patterns in which we tend to avoid growth opportunities.

At first, honesty regarding ourselves tends to focus on the negative dimensions of our behaviour and personality. This honesty about ourselves, particularly as we share it with others, begins to free us from the self-deception we have engaged in because of our addiction compulsion. Perhaps it is more difficult for us to be honest about our good qualities and the essential goodness of our personalities.

Many of us were mentally and emotionally wrecked and spiritually bankrupt when we began our recovery program after a successful detox. Honesty serves first to clear the ground regarding our past and present condition. As we grow in recovery and personal awareness, we become conscious of other positive dimensions of our lives hidden by the disease. Sometimes, we are even scared of acknowledging our positive qualities. It may seem like grandiosity, or we may fear the responsibility that comes with recognition. But this personal awareness of our talents and abilities can open new vistas of growth. We discover, for instance, that our lives have purpose and meaning; we can be helpful to others, and we have something to contribute to life. Frequently, it takes as much courage to be honest about our goodness as it does about the negative dimensions.

The Twelve Steps continually encourage us to be honest with ourselves by being honest about ourselves with others. Through the Eighth and Ninth Steps, we grow into a new quality of honesty with other people. These Steps suggest we examine our past and acknowledge the harm we may have caused others. The “Big Book” of Alcoholics Anonymous devotes several pages to these essential Steps. One point that seeks to emerge is the importance of discussing our amends with someone we trust before we make them. 

Making amends honestly

Making amends is different than making an apology. Many of us are experts at saying, “I’m sorry.” However, an ament implies a willingness to change our behaviour toward another person. We are not only saying, “I’m sorry,” but “I intend not to treat you that way in the future.” Honesty in the Steps may also mean we need to repay, as best as we can, someone we harmed financially or emotionally. Step Nine tells us to do this except when it would injure the person we are making amends to or others.

To do the Eighth and Ninth Steps honestly, we must examine our motives and intentions in detail. In early recovery, we may have thought we were making amends when we were trying to get our own way, get someone out of the hair, or bring about reconciliation. To work these steps honestly means acknowledging the harm we have done to others honestly and forthrightly and being willing to accept the consequences of our actions. Sometimes, a nagging discontent in recovery is due to an unwillingness to make amends for people who may have been harmed. The Big Book suggests that we need help with these steps in particular ways. The Big Book reminds us that we are experts at hiding dubious motives beneath good reasons, and sharing with others can help us avoid such pitfalls. Discussing aments with people in the program or an addiction therapist can help us discover when we need to make amends and how we can best do this.

Remember, the first stage in addiction recovery is detox. It is a step you take when you honestly face the reality of your situation. AddictionsUK is an experienced home detox service provider that offers safe, effective, and affordable in the comfort of your home. It is followed by optional ongoing therapy to face challenges in early recovery.

For expert assistance regarding addiction recovery, call Freephone at  0800 140 4044